Just Let Me Do My Thang

By: Alex

Graphic by Emily

I’ve been trained to hate authority. That’s the easiest way to say it. As radical ‘cool cats’ from the 60s, my parents had a strong hatred against ‘the man’ and raised me and my sister to be the most independent thinkers of the new millennium. Though this seems like a great idea, it has presented me with many problems while growing up, especially spending so much time in a place as regimented as the public school system.

For example, on my first day of kindergarten, my teacher assigned jobs to everyone. I think my job was something like ‘clean up,’ where I had to go around the room at the end of the day and pick up scraps of paper that fell on the floor. At any rate, it was lame, and my 6-year-old mind believed that my leadership talents were wasted on such a mediocre job. So, I decided I would take on the responsibility of line leader, though it was assigned to someone else. I remember lining up for recess and casually strolling to the front of the line to open the door and lead my class outside. As my hand was on the doorknob, my teacher reached down and touched it at the same time. I looked up at her, expecting her to praise me for being such a leader, but instead she just pointed to the back of the line. I didn't believe it.

I hated being told what to do, because in that moment, I realized that I had absolutely no power over this teacher. I was a little 6-year-old, surrounded by a class of silent followers who would never have my back. If I tried to do my own thing, I would just get shot down again. I wasn’t trying to maliciously take someone’s job; I just wanted to help. This was totally unfair.

Now, looking back, though I overreacted, I did learn something very important about myself; I just don’t like being told what to do. Now, this kindergarten teacher was probably not guilty of this. But as I grew up I encountered many people who just thought I was nothing. They didn’t believe in me, and they told me what to do, and I had to listen, and it was the most humiliating thing in the world, because I felt so powerless. It was what I hated most: stupid people in positions of authority when I didn't—and I had nothing.

When I say I’ve been trained to hate authority, I don’t mean that I’ve hated every teacher, boss, or leader that I’ve come in contact with. But what I do mean is that I hate being stifled. As a free spirit, and I find that I’m most successful when I can exercise that privilege. I get scared when I think I’ll be put into a position when I don’t have the control to make my own decision.

Though I will never be able to escape authority completely, over the years, I’ve realized that I am in control of my own life. Like the flower children that raised me, I don’t have to put myself into a situation where I can’t do my own thing. When I evaluate my choices, I’ve been pretty successful on my own, and I don’t always need someone to give me direction. But I also need to remind myself that I can’t do it all alone. Though I still do hate authority, I’ve learned to avoid what I can’t handle, respect what I need to deal with, and ask for help when I need it.