Not All Those Who Sleep Around Are Lost: What I Learned From Samantha Jones

By: Sarah

Graphic by Emily

These past few weeks have been pretty slow for me, so naturally, I turned to watching Netflix and other such websites that enable the masses to distract themselves with television. During this period of rediscovering old favorites, I successfully completed all six seasons of the HBO classic, Sex and the City. If you were living under a rock in the early 2000s, and have just recently emerged, Sex and the City followed the lives for four women in their early thirties navigating the dangerous world of dating in New York City. While the show was mainly narrated by and stuck to the story of writer Carrie Bradshaw, it's the advice from her friends that really makes the show a valuable learning experience, particularly that of Samantha Jones, played by Kim Cattrall. Throughout six seasons of chaos, I've compiled the best nuggets of advice from Samantha that really helped me live life to the fullest.

Before we go any further, I know that Samantha is supposed to be the slut of the group. And yes, I'm also aware that she's a bit extreme, and not necessarily a character created to be a realistic moral role model. That's not what this is about, so keep reading and cut that sass. Please and thank you.

1. "The good ones screw you. The bad ones screw you. And the rest don't know how to screw you." Whether we want to admit it or not, everyone has the potential to hurt us. It may not always be intentional or malicious, but that doesn't mean we need to be naive about our relationships and pretend we won't ever be touched by bad emotions. It's kind of like a sexed up version of that one Bob Marley quote every middle schooler puts on their Facebook profile. "The truth is everyone is going to hurt you, you just have to find the ones worth suffering for." I like Samantha's version better.
2. "Don't blame marriage. This one's married and she's not growing a national forest." I'm not necessarily advocating that women need bikini waxes to be happy. Do what you want with whatcha got, ya dig? But what I am saying, and Samantha is too, is that you should never let yourself take a backseat to your relationship. Relationships are fun, but taking care of you is more important. If you're not feeling your best, then your partner is sure to take notice. Always make sure you have yourself figured out before you invite another person into your life.
3. "The secret to being happily single is to do it like a guy; frequently, with multiple partners, and no strings attached." I'm not advocating sexual promiscuity here. Once again, whatever you are into. But besides the obvious statement that you can't get hurt if you put no emotions into something, Samantha is also saying that it's okay to see more than one person. The secret is not committing to more than one person. Don't do that. Cheaters are scum. But it's not necessary to be on the constant lookout for male validation in the form of a relationship. We're young, and we should be test driving as many guys as we can. Save the commitment stuff for when you're forced to join the real world, and just worry about having fun.Women that can be aloof and casual in the dating scene hold all the power anyway, because women that don't look desperate are more desirable.
4. "If I worried what every bitch in New York was saying about me, I'd never leave the house." This reminds me of some advice my mom gave me in junior high, when girls are probably at the peak of bitchiness. You can't worry about what other people think of you, because that means they win. Letting other people's opinions control your actions just means you're depriving the world from getting to know the wonderful, talented person you are. Be exactly who you are, do everything you've ever wanted to do, and screw everyone else.
5. "Not all women sit around and obsess about men. As soon as my relationships are over, I move on." Pretty self-explanatory. If it didn't work out, there was some reason that it wasn't supposed to. Not all relationships are forever relationships, some of them are just something thing to pass the time with. Take a little time to grieve what you lost, and then put all your effort into yourself again. Putting all your energy into bettering you is the fastest way to move forward.
6. "I love you, but I love me more. I've been in a relationship with myself for forty-nine years, and that's the one I need to work on." Truer words have never been spoken. If you don't love you, I guarantee that no one else will either. You have to be completely at peace with yourself, both inside and out, before a fulfilling relationship can come your way. This can take years, and I'll admit I even have trouble with this sometimes. But I know that everyday I do something for me, I get closer. 

So yes, Samantha may provide some of the most overtly sexual advice in television, but the underlying message is always worthwhile.Through her wise words, I have learned to be a more independent and strong woman, and I can't wait to tackle my twenties with the Samantha Jones brand of confidence.