Teenage Wasteland

By: Alex

Art by Alex 

April is the cruelest month. We’re so close to summer, but not quite there yet. Instead of enjoying the anticipation of spring, we spend more time planning for a summer we can enjoy and a school year we can benefit from.

Because of all its responsibilities, April leads to me do lots of stuff that I have to do instead of doing stuff that I want to do. So as I spend this month just trying to ‘get it together,’ I waste so much time worrying about my future instead of doing something productive. I want to get somewhere.

 

Because I’m in this weird place in my life, where I have nothing figured out, I don’t feel like I’m getting anything done. I do so much work, filling my days with mundane tasks that are supposed to somehow help me, but I see no benefit, and I feel no preparation. There’s a lot of the boring routine that I must participate in just to be a functioning human. But I don’t like it because I feel trapped.

I spend so much of my day wasting time. I am stuck in this Teenage Wasteland, a vast expansion of nothingness between the comfort of elementary school and the scary opportunities of adulthood. I want to escape the Teenage Wasteland and make my world into fertile ground for inspiration. But my responsibilities and qualms about growing up keep me stuck here. Everything seems impossible.

Now, having no productivity in the Teenage Wasteland is not just because I have too many responsibilities. Sometimes, I lack the motivation to do something worthwhile. Part of that is because of the discouraging feeling that it’s hard to try to get somewhere when I feel like there’s’ nothing attainable to look forward to. But the other is because, it’s just easier. Taking naps or surfing the Internet requires a lot less energy than thinking about my future. Let’s face it, the world is a scary place. The less time I think of myself becoming a part of it, the less anxious I can be. But I hate myself for thinking that way. I depend on experience. It’s just that, sometimes, I turn to avoidance when I’m scared, and the Teenage Wasteland is a great place to go where nothing will happen.

It’s so easy to fall into this cycle: getting scared of the future, doing mindless activities in order to avoid it, getting stuck in the Teenage Wasteland, hating myself for being stuck, feeling unprepared for my future because I’m stuck, and back to the beginning. Though it’s easier to avoid the future, it’s those choices that keep me stuck in the Teenage Wasteland and prevent me from doing something that could matter one day. The Teenage Wasteland is a safety zone, an area where nothing bad can happen. But staying there also means that nothing good can happen.

We will never know what’s out there if we don’t put the effort into something we might fail at. I tried to find hope in the Teenage Wasteland, but it looks like the only hope is the possibility of a way out--- in trying something I might be a little apprehensive about. Maybe there is an opportunity in the new. But I have to escape to figure that out. The exodus is here. The happy ones are near. And Teenage Wasteland will be over soon enough.

Harmony Korine and the Attack on Spring Breakers

By: Emily

Graphic made by Emily

When people come into the movie theaters and ask me what movie is good that's playing right now, there's only one movie that I can give them without lying: Spring Breakers. While I was filling their extra large bag of salty buttery diabetes, I asked someone what film they were going to see. They said they were seeing my current favorite. When I replied telling them I loved the movie, they said surprisingly, "Really? I heard it was terrible!" Needless to say, they were not alone. I asked friends and coworkers their opinion on the film and they all seemed to agree that they hated it.

"How?!" I asked, aghast. Even after they gave me a response, I still needed to know more.

How. How?!

Before I get ahead of myself, let me explain a little bit about the film itself. Selena Gomez's character Faith begins the movie saying "I'm so tired of seeing the same thing every single day. Everyone's miserable here because everybody sees the same things...This is more than just Spring Break. It's our chance to see something different."

The film looks like a music video and feels like a roller coaster. It's wild, erotic, and uncomfortable all covered in a neon pink face mask.

I think my main problem is that the film was not advertised properly. People went into it expecting to see Disney stars being slutty, and while they were satisfied to some extent, that's not what the film was about. It's not a stupid comedy, nor is it a romantic drama. It is a film that can't be categorized. If you passively sit there and watch the endless montage of boobs and weed, you might enjoy it on the surface, but if you think about it, there is a context, and a deeper meaning. The film's director, Harmony Korine, strategically planned every aspect of the film--from the color of the girls' bathing suits to what type of grillz were in James Franco's mouth.

If you've never seen a Harmony Korine film, you really don't know what you were getting yourself into when seeing Spring Breakers. The man has a very gritty and downright dirty filmmaking style. Check out these two clips from some of his films just for a general idea: One and Two.

Pretty fucking weird, right? This isn't uncharacteristic of Spring Breakers.

The thing that I love about Harmony Korine is that there are no other films out there like his. No other movies seem to capture the genuine horrors of being rebellious and a little off your rocker. These disturbing images do more than just shock the viewer; In the context of Spring Breakers, they also are used to discuss a bigger social and psyvhological issue at hand.

Two weeks ago I left Spring Breakers breathing heavily and dragging my feet out of the theaters. It was a journey and it's not for the faint of heart. I truly did not know what the fuck I witnessed. And I loved every minute of it.

Your Eyes Dance

By: Guest Blogger Holly

Image by Sarah

Your eyes dance and I know you feel it. This pull, this spark between us.

You’re everything I have been searching for, in fact,

You’re perfect.
All of this reminds me of you. Everywhere I turn, everything I see.
No one quite compares.
Your eyes are like magnets now.

Pulling me closer.
I lace my fingers around the back of your neck. I’m paralyzed with a feeling
I have never experienced before. This is too much.

You’re breaking me down tonight. Letting me down easy.
Easy for some, perhaps. There is no “easy” in a life without you.
I think I’m scared.
I’m almost certain of it.
I want to fight for you. I want to let you know I love you, but

What good would any of this do?

I’m weak. I’m such a weak person.

But I mean it.

I love you.

You already know this. I’m sure of it.

 It’s why you’re saying everything you are right now.
It’s why you’re letting me know we can never be together.
It’s why you’re ripping away the only person who has ever meant anything to me.
You’re leaving. Reopening all of these wounds.

As I draw back from your embrace, I look into your eyes once more.

You tell me you’re not a good person, that I’d regret loving you.
I don’t believe you.
The only regret I have is not trying sooner.

Not fighting when I had a decent chance.
When I had a chance in general.
You weren’t lying when you kissed me. No, that was real.
It was real.
When we locked eyes I felt as if I had known you my entire life.
And when you looked at me, it was as if the world was ending tonight, like this was our last chance to enjoy each other. Relish in each other’s touch.  

Leaving Teenageland

By: Emily

Graphic by Emily

So, Yesterday I turned twenty years old. While it was nice to hear so many people wish me a happy birthday, when people would ask me how old I was turning, it felt so unnatural to say "twenty."

Two-Zero.

The reason this bothered so much was because I realized that I am no longer a teenager, and I love being a teenager. You can get away with so much stuff as a teenager. No one questions why you stay up until 4 in the morning doing nothing, or asks you why you're acting silly in public places. Your only obligation really is to watch movies with your friends and go for walks and dance on tables. When I was no longer able to order things off the kids menu, it was okay because I still had all the benefits of being a teenager to look forward to. And even when my teenage years were halfway over, I was okay with it because I had this new found sense of freedom from being able to drive. And then I had college to experience after that.

Now two years into college I feel like I've gotten a pretty solid routine down for my life; class, work, friends, with the occasional existential life crisis in between. In many ways, I've already experienced everything I can experience being a teenager. But at the same time there are still so many things I need to do before I run out of time. It's as if the world is saying, "You've had your fun, time to get serious now. What are you going to do with your future?" And I'm not ready. As a teenager, I had time to explore different interests because I did not really know what I wanted to do with my life.

And to be honest I still don't. And I feel behind because of that. I mean, I'm technically an adult now; These are decisions I, as a responsible adult, should be making. Along with filing for taxes and paying rent and all that other boring stuff grownups do.

It also doesn't help thinking about all the amazing things that so many people my age have accomplished already. I mean, Jennifer Lawrence was nominated for her first Academy Award at 22. Mark Zuckerburg created Facebook his Sophomore year of college. And let's not even talk about Forbes' 30 Under 30. I'm not saying I need to win an Oscar or create a multi-billion dollar social networking website within the next two years, but I want to do something great while I still have the resources, drive, and freedom to do so.

And who wouldn't? As Sean Parker inspirationally shouts in The Social Network, "This is our time!" The world is at our fingertips. While I am intimidated by those people that have done so much so young, I know that I will eventually achieve something as amazing as they have. All it takes is time, and just because I work a little slower than they do doesn't mean I won't be just as accomplished. In my short twenty years, I may not know what I want to do, but I know that each passing day is a day I'm closer to achieving my dreams and that they will be something to talk about.

Hamlet: That Little Bitch

By: Alex

Graphic by Emily

Upon expressing my excitement for reading Hamlet for a third time for a college English class, one of my high school friends did not share my excitement. Instead, he only responded, “Is Hamlet still a little bitch?”

As we were classmates in AP Lit senior year, Hamlet, one of our main texts, became the butt of all jokes. By the time we finished that play, no one wanted to read anything ever again. Though my classmates would be super bummed to re-read a story that they hated so much, I could never tell them how excited I was to dive back into this goldmine. For, there is no other character that I know who can explain the indecision and ambivalence of angst as well as Hamlet.

Hamlet, a young prince, returns home from college for his father’s funeral, only to find out that his father’s brother, Claudius, is the one who murdered the king, and Hamlet’s mother/King Hamlet’s wife is now remarried to Claudius. Hamlet has been betrayed and abandoned by everyone he has grown to love. He spends most of the story trying to figure out how to avenge his father’s death and gain some sort of purpose from his newly empty life, but in doing so, he treats the people around him very coldly. Hamlet becomes wrapped up in his own head, he wants to do his own thing, so his relationships with the remaining people in his life who care about him suffer, giving him a spoiled exterior, but a troubled interior.

Like any tragic coming-of-age character, Hamlet questions his purpose, all while trying to gain approval from those around him in an attempt to validate himself. The bother of living up to this and proving himself leads to deep, prolonged musings-- a fancy way of saying, ANGST. When we experience angst, we think way too much, mostly about what we should be doing but aren’t, all the things we’re doing wrong, and all the things we’re missing out on.

This idea of angst is something I can really identify with.  Hamlet’s character is so real that he actually makes me feel something when I read. So because I (and Emily) identify with Hamlet so well, does that make me a ‘little bitch?’ I am like Hamlet. I don’t know what I’m doing, I can’t make a decision, and I contemplate life at the most inappropriate times… yes, sounds just like Hamlet. But somehow Hamlet’s heroic quest to figure out who he is comes off as annoying and rude.

Does Hamlet’s indecision make him a coward? Does my ambivalence make me weak? Though Hamlet is our protagonist, he does not end triumphantly, and that says something about the power of angst. Is someone who is so overwhelmed by feelings in a changing world unfit to be the hero for our readers? I think this is why so many find Hamlet annoying—because he was not able to shake the angst and man up, and in doing so, treated those around him like they didn’t matter.

But I am here to say that I support Hamlet. We can’t always be the ‘yes man.’ It is not always our responsibility to make decisions right away. We have every right to wallow in worry and even feel sorry for ourselves for being so conflicted. That’s what angst is. Of course, no one enjoys it, but how would we be anything but ordinary if we cast away every situation that required just a little thought?

The thing about angst is that it can be debilitating or it can be empowering. It can be debilitating in the sense that Hamlet was controlled by it. Which is what caused his indecision and probably what caused my AP Lit class to call him a ‘little bitch.’ But angst can also be empowering. Hamlet learned so much about himself in the time he returned home to redeem his reputation from tragedy.  The angst helped Hamlet become enlightened.

So just because Hamlet and I struggle with the anxiety of worrying too much about our futures doesn’t lessen our worth as people. I’m just worried about what I’m doing with my life, whereas Hamlet is worried about dealing with tragedy at home and how to become a man despite that situation. Though different anxieties, if anything, we should feel better that real problems actually make us feel something; that we are concerned enough about the world that we feel burdened by its well-being and the part we can play in making an impact on the people in it. For Hamlet and me, it’s about the bigger picture and for what its worth, I love that little bitch.